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19
Female
5ft3
100lb
At home and walking around Madison, Wisconsin
I usually experience really bad nausea after taking psychedelics, but I did not feel like throwing up during this trip. As an experiment, I swallowed 500mg worth of ground ginger root in two gel capsules thirty minutes before taking my capsule of 20mg 4-aco-dmt (it won’t work if you take it at the same time). This ginger supplement significantly reduced nausea and prevented me from throwing up. I will be taking ginger capsules thirty minutes before all of my trips from now on. I am experienced with 4-aco-dmt/mushrooms, but because I had not tripped for over three months and have issues with general anxiety and social anxiety, I was very anxious about tripping again. I wanted a very therapeutic trip to ease me back into the psychedelic realm after a stressful couple of months. The purpose of this trip was for deep introspection and to reduce my anxiety levels. I had been avoiding my friends and acquaintances for months due to my social anxiety and I hoped that this trip would help me deal with my anxiety towards them. Before tripping, I asked the 4-aco-dmt if it would allow me to cry. I hadn’t cried in quite some time and I felt like I needed a release.
I grabbed a bottle of water, put earbuds in, turned on my ipod, smoked hash oil, swallowed 20mg of 4-aco-dmt, and walked outside. The setting was a beautiful sunny day with a temperature of around 80 degrees. I spent the beginning of my trip walking along familiar streets downtown.
I began feeling very strange. I experienced a lot of anxiety during the come-up, but was successful at calming myself down with my thoughts. I became aware that the 4-aco-dmt was going to force me to face my demons / fears today and I was ready for them. I said to the 4-aco-dmt, “Give them to me one by one.”
Five minutes later, I ran into my ex-boyfriend downtown. We are on good terms and still hang out. Due to my social anxiety, however, I had been avoiding all of my friends, family, housemates, co-workers, and acquaintances for awhile. I was very worried about seeing someone that I knew while tripping, but when it happened the anxiety wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I hugged him, told him I was coming up on shrooms, and I made plans with him to hang out later this weekend. I felt like I had just conquered my first demon. While walking down the sidewalk, I looked down and noticed visuals -- symmetrical texture repetition. I ran into my supervisor outside of the building that I work at. At first I was terrified that I would have to make conversation with him, but he simply said “hi” and walked past me. I am usually scared of going to work because I am so anxious about talking to co-workers, but after this, I felt less afraid. I felt like I had conquered my second demon. I continued walking along familiar streets.
I experienced visual acuity enhancement of the sky and pattern recognition enhancement in the clouds. I looked up and saw an angry god-like figure made of clouds glaring down at me. He looked like the typical Christian white-bearded god and had sharp, pointed ears to show that he was expressing anger. God’s arms were spread wide and around him, also made of clouds, were his angels. As an agnostic who has little interest in Christianity, I usually do not expect Christian images to come up in my trips. However, throughout this entire trip, my thoughts often turned to Christianity. I was curious to know why the Christian god was glaring angrily down at me/humanity. A couple days after this trip, I Google imaged “angry god” and came upon Michelangelo’s painting The Creation of the Sun, Moon, and Plants located on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. This painting, located on the left side of the page, is similar to what I saw in the clouds, although it has its differences. Cloud-god was facing down towards me, he looked much angrier, there were no male cloud-angels, the female cloud-angels were spread out differently, and I could not see the facial expressions. So here I am, walking down the street looking up at the Christian god glaring down at me. I think *“I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me, god. I’m not a believer.”* I wasn’t scared of the presence for some reason. During my walk, I felt oddly blessed by the wrathful Christian god and his angels. I had a delusion that god was literally watching me during this trip and teaching me things. I also confirmed that I was indeed god. At around 4:00 PM I asked the figure in the clouds, *“Why so angry, god?”* And a voice replied back, *“Yeah, god, why so angry?”* I thought for a while and replied back *“I am angry because everything is not perfect. I am angry at myself and humanity for giving into evil…”* After this, I felt a lot better. Things were starting to get trippier and I noticed some little men working inside my brain. I could communicate with them and they would communicate back to me. I asked the little men inside my brain to change my vision to green just for fun. A few seconds later, the colors in my vision shifted to purple. *“Huh? What happened? I thought you were changing my visuals to green.”* I thought. *“Why not purple? Everything is already green outside!”* said one of the little men inside my brain. This was true. I was walking down a very green garden-type area. Feeling anxiety again, I asked the little men inside my brain if I could stop fear with my mind and if they would help. They said sure and I mentally pictured myself cutting my fear with scissors. I started getting a weird body high after this and wondered if I had accidentally cut the wrong cord inside my body because I was still experiencing fear and my body started to feel weird. During one of my past trips on 4-aco-dmt, I saw a translucent rhino-dinosaur entity and crossed the street to avoid stepping inside of it. During my current trip, I saw the same entity but this time it leapt in front of me, surprising the shit out of me and causing me to accidentally step inside of it. While I was inside of the rhino-dinosaur entity, more translucent rhino-dinosaur entities appeared around me and I had strange thoughts concerning an Earth that is mind-controlled by invisible rhino-dinosaurs.
My body started getting physically tired. I was also very hot and dehydrated, so I decided to journey back to my house and face my last demon – my housemates. Things felt more and more epic as I got closer to home. I walked into my house and experienced a direct morphing effect. I walked up the stairs and noticed the hallway in front of my room seemed smaller/thinner than usual. I heard my neighbor shuffling around and his door was open. I wanted to quickly sneak into my room before he noticed me because of my social anxiety. The hallway was dark, but I saw that there was enough light to get my key in. When I moved closer to the door, however, the colors shifted and my vision suddenly got darker and I was unable to get my key into the lock. It felt like the shrooms were forcing me to socialize by shifting the colors around it making it impossible for me to open my door and hide. I walked to the other side of the hallway to the light switch, passed my neighbor (who I had never met before), and turned on the light switch. My neighbor came out of his room. He had his personal furniture and items all over the hallway, so I casually asked him if he was moving out. He replied *“Nope, just cleaning out my closet.”* *“Me too, dude, me too...”* He went back into his room. This is the first time that I have talked to him. Another housemate’s seven year old daughter came up to me in the hallway while I was opening my door and I asked if she would like to paint nails sometime. I agreed to paint nails in a couple days and then walked into my bedroom. I felt as if I had just faced my last demon – my anxiety surrounding my housemates. I sat on my bed and my focus shifted to deep introspection. I felt like crying but no tears were coming out. I realized that I was very dehydrated and got a glass of orange juice. As soon as I had a drink, the tears flowed out. My crying was quiet at first but then got louder and louder. I thought about everything bad that had happened to me and all of my faults. I cried because I wanted so badly to connect with someone but can’t. I often feel like I am missing a part of me. And that missing this part means that I will never be able to form a deep connection with anyone.
I couldn’t stop sobbing. I cried and cried and cried and it felt like the sadness and the tears were coming from somewhere very deep inside of me. During this time, it felt like a mother-figure was holding me from inside and comforting me. Eventually, my sobbing turned into giggles and then back again and then repeated. I was both crying and laughing at the same time and I felt so euphoric. It felt like an enormous weight had been lifted. When I looked at the clock, the time read 5:00 PM. I experienced feelings of unity and interconnectedness. I felt like I was god and all humans and animals and molecules. I stopped being afraid of death. It felt like my life was a big joke because I had created everything in this universe and I was still completely and utterly alone. I experienced visual patterns of the eye of providence on my wall. I looked in the mirror. In my face I saw the faces of all men and women on earth. I also felt like I could see and feel all of the muscles in my body. I was captivated by the sight of my body breathing. I could see my lungs pumping in and out with such beautiful detail and intensity. I saw tribal marks on my face and skin. Enhancement of pre-existing tactile sensations.
For the next few hours while coming down, I experienced increased connectivity of thought, feelings of fascination, and introspection. I had a lot of thoughts concerning Christianity and its main figures and I kept connecting psychedelics to religious experiences. I played around with the progressive transformations in the textures of my room, focusing and defocusing my vision to experience different transformations. I thought a lot about my place in the universe, how I am connected to everything, and what I can do to improve my quality of living. Time distortion was present during the entire trip.
