Fog of the Smoldering Caustic Ash, Possible urotoxicity

I decide to take the subway the rest of the way home. Upon reaching the station and finally standing still, I realize how hard I am tripping now. I feel physically uncomfortable due to the nervous stimulation and twitching in my limbs. Sitting still is nearly unbearable, I want to get up and pace, but I also feel very awkward being near all these other people. I feel so dissociated from them and they all seem so alien. The visuals have made themselves very apparent now. They seem to have formed into all variety of pulsing concentric circular shapes interspersed with intricate tangled lacework patterns. All of the tiles on the floor of the station appear to have conchoidial fracturing patterns on them. Overall the visuals are very abstract and don’t really seem to follow any sort of larger organization or symmetry. The subway comes and I take my seat. I am anxious to get home the entire ride, shaking and hiding my face from people.

I arrive home. Walking around was scary, the high schools had just let out so there were crowds of teenagers everywhere and I had to walk through these crowds to get home. I normally have no issue with this but pushing your way through a crowd while progressively tripping harder and harder on psychedelics can be jarring. While walking it almost felt as though my body could not keep up with my mind, as if I had some projection in my mind of arriving home faster but that projection went beyond my physical capabilities. I smoke a joint immediately upon arriving home. The nausea that was somewhat apparent the last time I took this has not been an issue, but I do notice some other painful abdominal cramps and a bit of a twisting discomfort all throughout my body. I am very wired and shaking very hard. I chew some gum to quell the jaw clenching. My thoughts are flowing quickly and efficiently, and I find myself spending a great deal of time just reading about whatever catches my interest on the internet, similar to how many other psychedelics manifest for me. The open eyed visuals are picking up, while the closed eyed visuals are curiously relatively faint. With my eyes closed, there appear great checkerboard diamonds radiating their patterns into infinity and pulsing in the aether. The open eyed visuals are like a tangled web of roots or mycelium, dancing and intertwining with itself across every surface, its form seemingly following some sort of mathematical or fractal patterning. They nestle themselves into formation while pulsing and flashing with waves of purple and teal. Soon my entire visual field is shaking, as if the world is coming apart at the atoms, as if these webs have woven their way deep into the fabric of existence and are slowly splitting it apart like how water seeps into cracks and freezes to cleave rocks apart. It is as though the world is screaming from being torn apart, but the fundamental deconstruction of all things has subdued this scream to a muffled shout. While I am very altered, I also still feel very grounded and lucid and functional in some sense. Perhaps my entire frame of reference has been shifted aside into some esoteric realm and my “grounded” is objectively cast into some distant space. The visual circuitry that has been disseminating throughout my sensory field seems to crackle and sizzle, searing cancer into reality, belching out plumes of smoke from the charred fabric of every intertwined atom. The room appears foggy now.

I am very stimulated, not being able to sit still comfortably in any position for long and shaking a great deal. I am also sweating vigorously now. It feels like I have done so much in the past 40 minutes, and that time has slowed down around me, but in reality I have just been reading a lot about WWI on the internet. Nonetheless, it does feel like I’ve taken in a great deal of information, moreso than I would expect myself to in that span of time. The visuals now appear as radiating geometric patterns, still a degree of abstract and amorphous. They do not stand out as being particularly interesting or spectacular, this just feels like a very standard energized psychedelic experience. I physically feel very hot, and there is a burning sensation deep in my body that radiates through my veins like a poisoned fire consuming a building, reducing it to a desert of toxic ash that billows up in great choking plumes at the slightest disturbance.

I have found myself very focused and able to read a great deal at once, only facing a small degree of the incapacitating distractibility that usually prevents me from reading. My friends have come over and are hanging out downstairs with my roommate but I’m content to be holed up in my room, immersed in the steely blue fog of this drug. I have noticed at this point I feel like I must urinate very frequently, though when I try to go I find myself unable to. This eventually leads to my bladder feeling very sore and strained. This only progressively gets worse throughout the night.

I finally decide to go downstairs and join my friends. It still looks like everything is foggy and smoky, and the air outside of the warm confines of my room chills me to the bone. Being in a well-lit space surrounded by other people is very disorienting. I thought I was mostly down but the sudden immersion in a new environment makes me realize just how hard I am still tripping. Conversation initially is awkward and difficult, however as time goes on I find myself more capable. It’s similar to jumping into cold water and slowly acclimating to the temperature. I am hearing and feeling this crackling sensation in my inner ears, especially while I am talking or if I have my mouth open. This fades after about an hour but is certainly novel and mysterious.